I want to make a zoo with you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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