i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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