She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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