It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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