Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
