i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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