names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk is not a location!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
