hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
