The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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