I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize