i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
