Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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