Pappa wants mamma naked
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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