I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
