is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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