Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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