We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
