You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
