dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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