i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just puked most of my soul out..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
