you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was like eating out sand paper
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
