I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Where is the hickey?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
