i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
