omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
