I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
