Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
