They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
