there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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