and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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