I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
