I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
