We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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