I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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