handjob tips. give me some.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
