Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
