If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
