I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
