cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
