If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
only if we run a train.
done.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
