yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
