I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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