He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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Randomize
