You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
