I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
