laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
