i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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