I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
