you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
