is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
