i jhust puked up my retainher.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
