32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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