everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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