I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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