glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
