I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
