I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
