she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
