i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
