Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
50% drunk capacity currently
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
