Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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