dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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