you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
