Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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