Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found a bag of teeth...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
