your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
