apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
