Umm I'm too high to move.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
