my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize