someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
