Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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