The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
