my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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