Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
