I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
