I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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