I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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