I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
